When I first went to college I wasn't even thinking about a relationship because I truly thought that there weren't going to be any guys that could handle me, and that's not in relation to my ego, because I know i have one of those too, but that's in terms of the kind of person i am. I love to be around people, and I hang out with people I've had relationships with in the past, or flings with at the least. And yes, I love to be surrounded by beautiful people, I crush a lot, and if I didn't have the potential to have a little crush of some sort on you, I probably wouldn't hang out with you in the first place.
But isn't that everyone? Girls always say the more you hang out with someone and get to know them the cuter they get. It's not that they get any cuter but as you realize the things you have in common and the more you like to hang out with them, you think maybe...wow this person has all these qualities, they might be just my type. So...a lot of people try it and see what happens. Most people don't figure out in advance, you know what...this one might just be better as a friend, so then as Jazmine Sullivan says "why does it feel like those who give in, they only wind up losing a friend?" and its true. I think thats why people don't have many close friends of the opposite sex, because they don't really feel out the situation, give into the temptation, and then when it doesn't work out, shit just gets awkward. If people could just skip the awkwardness and stay friends, you'd have such good friends, because with the tension gone you can both actually be yourself. At least that's been my experience, but then when a significant other comes into the picture, they have trouble dealing with the fact that you are comfortable kicking it with someone you used to sleep with. I don't get why the fear of you getting with that person again is so strong. If I wanted to be getting with that person wouldn't I have been doing that when you came along?
That being said, I know that's why I'm difficult. Because I'm pretty liberal when it comes to relationships. I think every relationship is kind of an open relationship? you're free to get with someone else if your needs aren't being met, so do it, just let me know, and I'll go my own way. So it's not really an open relationship, but the angst about meeting someone else is gone. I mean I guess, I had one relationship where these were the terms, but we were so obsessed with each other it was never an issue, exactly as it should be. So the theory worked out well. But that was a very particular sort of dude.
So how about the interim? If I meet a guy, he seems like a sweetheart, we start talking, texting, kicking it here and there, maybe hook up, maybe not, does that mean if I kick it similarly with someone else I'm doing something wrong, or I should tell him? That's where the double standard comes in, for girls the answer is usually yes and for guys the answer is usually no. Lol. Well I don't believe in double standards. I do think different partners need different things, so you should be on the same level.
For example. If I'm in a relationship with a dude and he doesn't like it when I dance with other guys at a club, I'm cool with that. But if he thinks he's about to dance with other chicks he is bugging. And the truth is, I could care less, if we both went to the club, and danced with who we wanted, just knowing we were both leaving together, thats perfectly cool with me too, but the terms have to be the same.
So...in the long term I'm looking for a guy who can deal with me, who I really am, without making me compromise, and I don't want to make him compromise either. Is it too much to think you can find a guy as is and take him as he is? I don't think people really change that much, but that just means that I'm going to have to be super ridiculously probably absurdly particular in terms of guys I give some serious time to. And guys are just going to have to know straight up, that I'm REALLY not looking for anything serious, because in the end, the reality is you probably cant handle it. And that's not to say you aren't an awesome guy, probably one who I could definitely respect too, and spend a lot of time with, but I know I ask a lot. I demand trust when you barely even know me, but the thing is, I can do what I ask for, and most people can't. I usually trust you until you give me a reason not to, whereas it seems most people work in the other direction. But the thing is, I've never had a guy cheat on me (to my knowledge) and I think its because I don't crowd their space. Similarly, I've never really had my heart broken.
I'm just worried about a newbie I have, I mean he's fly, and fiiiiiiine, and a sweet heart, but I don't know what the expectations are, I'm not tryna talk to anyone who's looking to wife me up. Or anyone who is going to assume that just because things get physical that the wifing is assumed and that you're the only guy around that I'm talking to, because...well i'm not ready for that kind of commitment right now.
I'm not afraid of it. I just know that for a guy to be able to take me as I am, its going to be a very particular type of guy, and not too many exist, and if I've met any yet, I just met them at the wrong time.
So what's my criteria for a potential partner. thoughtful, conscious, spontaneous, spiritual, supportive, understanding, respectful, able to give me space, strong, fine, athletic, artistic, not with too much baggage, educated, beautiful, super confident, hard-working, tenacious, trustworthy, trusting, a good communicator, open, sensual, scholarly, healthy.
to be continued...
yes.
i know that's a lot to ask. but if you don't fit the mold, i feel like at this point I just need to let you know up front that you need not apply.
unless, you aren't looking for anything serious either, then if we are honest and open about that, well, then we can talk.
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