finding old poetry

well...i found some old poetry today.

then i dug up some more.

there's quite a bit.

some is good, some is bad

its weirdest to be reading it though and thinking about how young i was when i wrote it

this comes a year after my first heartbreak

apparently i was still experiencing the pains of it.

even now I think about you

and realize your absence is still so much a part of me

as you always were

so much of my struggle

to regain that I’m the shit reek confidence mentality

that I once could claim to myself eeked from me when I entered a room

and claim even in the humblest way

I was

I was so me

The me I was and understood myself to be

And we were so perfect

So us, so in love, so solid

And then you left and I dissolved into a little child

My life melting in my fingers like ice cream

And though it seemed simple enough

I just couldn’t do anything about it

So now I’m me without you

Struggling to merge or morph back into a whole person

Knowing things aren’t the way they once were

And maybe never will be again

And so I wonder

Who I will be

Because I will regain that confidence

It’s a struggle, but yes I will win

And I will be me even without you

Just not sure what that me begins to look like