uh oh. its been a little while. tumblr made me neglect my little ziggy here.
i want to talk about some things, so i can remember them, process them better, be honest with myself about them, if not understand them, at least store them in this archive. its important to me to be my own archivist. i'll even make them labels! accountability, clarity, god, community, love, ecv, art, death, vision, purpose, lent.
I guess another part of this year's resolution is starting now, in the season of lent, which I've never celebrated before. because i never understood it, had never been exposed to it. what the point of giving up sweets for 40 days? is it supposed to bring you closer to God? I never got it. I don't see the point of it, it's like going on a break from a relationship...pointless. Be together or don't be (not that I've never done it)
ECV: Elm City Vine Yard is the coolest little church I just found. I'm loving it, I was introduced to it by one of my friends whom (in the style of the great JPW) I'll name Overflows. So Overflows introduced me to ECV and now I love it, so based on information I've gotten from them, which I'm about to look over now. I'm going to try to understand Lent.
Starting to go to ECV as well as my interactions with Overflowing and seeing the way that God works in her life, her communities, and her interactions with other people has been both alarming and inspiring. How does someone manage to be so overflowing with love for others? What about taking care of yourself?
A few weeks before Valentine's Day I began thinking about the concept of radical love, it was suggested, imagine if we could radically love each other in this community, what that would look like, what that would feel like. I had to think about it. am I ready to radically love right now? I wanted to say yes, but I wasn't completely sure. If radical love consists of picking up everytime you call because I know you think you need me, staying up til 4 in the morning to be there for ou or just to spend time with you because i love you though I know my body doesn't function well on little sleep nor can I practice as well as I should when my body is this tired then that kind of love doesn't work for me. Is it radical if it's self deprecating?
I was inspired though on Valentine’s day, to write some little notes to some of the people I love but don’t tell as much. This year, a new group of friends I’ve entered has helped create a space in which the idea of radical love flows widely and openly, thanks to Overflowing of course. It is what I see that can happen in this community that I want to share with my friends outside of it. So I sat down and wrote to them about how much I love them, how I want to be there for them, want them to know that I’m investing my life in theirs, which is a very new phenomenon for me, one I’m not good at, but one that I want to try, need to try.
The whole investment thing has to do with investing in a community in people, and is tied up in the radical love concept. My parents see their best friends maybe twice a year, out of convenience more so then out of a need to see them, to be there for them, to know what is happening in their life, if they’ve cried recently, if their kids have won an award. If someone passed, if something they saw on the street inspired them. My parents don’t know these things about some of the people who mean the most to them unless someone breaks out of their normal cycle of things and makes a phone call. Listening to one of the leaders of ECV talk about a life lived investing in people and creating a loving community made me want to do exactly that. I want my friends to know that I want them to be my bridesmaids, godparents, aunties & uncles for my kids, vacation partners, and babysitters, lol, and I want to be the same for them. I want to be a shoulder for them to lean on, an ear they can vent to, someone to pray with, someone that picking up a phone to call is not awkward or nerve-wracking, regardless of the circumstances of the call. That’s the kind of stuff I told a few of my friends on Vday.
As for accountability, I think theirs is something great to be said about calling people out not only when they are doing dumb shit, but also when they are not doing all that they could be, when they are blocking themselves from reaching their full potential.
That’s all I have time for right now. Sadly.
