sigh

oh my gosh. is it awful that i just feel like the only outlet that will really get me out of this slump i'm feeling is sex? i mean i dont think so. i'm usually a really sexual person, the feeling i get from sex is like a cross between an amazing workout and a nice long cry, i feel so free, so carnal, so relaxed, and so refreshed. right now i just feel frustrated and overwhelmed, closed in, stuck. but i was doing the whole no sex thing...i haven't had sex for five months, and even then it was only once in the past 7 months. i'm not sure what i've learned, what I had hoped was just to be in touch with myself (not literally) and my feelings about sex and sexuality. i decided no casual sex, its not as good, and its kinda pointless. but have i accomplished anything specific? not sure I have, i've surprised a lot of my friends, but it was never about them, it was always about me, me, myself, and i, and being honest and upfront and open with myself and my desires, not using someone else as an outlet to run away from myself, though that's not quite what i think i was doing. getting out of such a long relationship just made me feel the need to refocus, and then multiple times within the refocusing period i thought i had refocused. its so weird, i'm such a relationship chick. but now what? im graduating, maybe moving across the country, and there's no one new and exciting that i'm interested in in that way right now. i just want a fling, the beginnings of the relationship, the fun stuff without the baggage of thinking about someone else and their wants and needs as much as your own. i can't do that again, not right now. sigh. oh well, i'm blessed in every other aspect of my life (and even this one, better single and happy than unhappy and/or unhealthy alone or with someone else) so i know i shouldn't be complaining, but its my blog...so i can